The Emotional care and Feeding of Dementia.

Going to have lunch with them today.

Something that happened that I thought would be a sticky situation that didn't turn out that way. Sweetie had given #1 daughter her mom's engagement ring, when she had already promised it to #2. I said that I wasn't going to get into a daughter to daughter squabble over the ring. 

But when we went over to #1's earlier this month, I mentioned that the ring had been promised to the other, #1 didn't mind. Well, she has found it, and we're going over for lunch today and picking it up. Easy, peasy. I'll keep it until we go over to #2's for a lunch. 

I'm so still learning about emotional feeding of the Demented brain. Yesterday, I had a lousy day on the course, and Sweetie was absorbing all those negative emotional outburst, and it was sending her slowly over the rail. Sundowners didn't burst out, but was sneaking around the edges. When we got home, even with CBD, and a little Stress Relief lotion, she was still on edge. 

After lunch, she took a nap, and I watched "Angel has fallen." I thought while she was sleeping, I could watch part of it. When she joined me on the couch, I left it on to finish. Big mistake. As she watched, she became more and more distant from me. Dementia looses the ability to process all that negative action, the sad thing is I know that. After the movie, and some time over at the neighbor's, I tried to reset her emotions by putting on a movie she likes and is uplifting. It helped a little, but for the rest of the evening until bedtime, I was waiting for her to go off and have to block her from going outside. That didn't happen, and we went to bed without too much drama. 

The emotional care and feeding of Dementia is so tricky. Very much like a dandelion bloom. With one puff, it is gone, and you can't put it back together. The other part about dandelions is, I don't what them in my garden. The same with Sweetie, I don't want them, emotional dandelions, popping up and being blown away and with her emotional serenity with it. 

We're going out again to the course, and it will be a training session for me to keep my bad shot outburst inside. If I can do that, the rest of the day will come off better. Each day another lesson, and with that lesson, comes the pop quiz. 

Just heard the door open, so I know my Driver has arrived, and time for me to get going. He's already to get going, cause we have a lot of ground to cover today. A review of where we were yesterday, and where we are going today, I missed something and He wants to make sure I've seen it. So, off we go, down the Road to Dementia Town, looking for Easter Eggs, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Do you ever backtrack and look for what you didn't see yesterday? It does happen once in  awhile, as you travel down you Road to Dementia Town. Remember, when your Keeping you Shiny Side Up, you're doing something right. Until tomorrow, Take Care, Love Ya, and God Bless.    

Relaxed Sundowners.

My helper

Sunday was an early raiser morning for Sweetie, this time I tried to put her down in the bed we have for down stairs. She didn't stay there long and I took her upstairs, back to her bed. Down she went for the rest of the night. 

Going through the same old worries with her. Dehydration. Part is her not wanting to drink, the other is I don't remember. When life is good, Dementia will lull me into a place of serenity because sundowners is asleep, and I just don't push the things I know I should be doing to keep her calm and on somewhat of an even keel. 

Did some more work in the yards and Sweetie was right there, wanting to help. When I did let her help, I think it is comical because she will start doing whatever the task is, and at the same time tell me she doesn't know what she is doing, while she is doing that which she says she doesn't know how to do. I just tell her she is doing fine, and watch muscle memory take over. 

Sunday, when she is up early like she has been doing, and knowing that we cannot just sit and watch TV, we started out by walking our 1.95 mile route  around the neighborhood. Rested, watch some TV, started the laundry, and went to the mall for some more walking. Keeping her busy is just another tool in my Dementia Tool Box. 

Whenever we are out, I try to keep one eye on the clock so as to keep her on schedule with her Hemp Oil. I've come to realize that timing is the best tool to fight off sundowners. I've discovered that if I give her a dose of Hemp Oil, along with Aromatic Therapy Lotion about a half hour before we go to bed, she is much more compliant, then without. Relaxed sundowners is easier handled. 

My Driver just came into the room and has that quizzical look that says He's ready, am I? Of course I am. This is the best part of my day. I never tire of our time together. As I finish, and head for the door. He is there, He has my cool sunglasses in one hand and is holding the door open with the other. Wonder what joys lie ahead today? Off we go, down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Joys await you too, you just have to hunt for them, there there, your Easter Eggs. Watch out for them as you travel down your Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Later, and God Bless. 

The mundane of life.

At Disneyland.

Every morning, as I sit to write about the day before, what happened, what I learned, how I acted towards Sweetie, I have to ponder, what am I going to say today? How can I put the mundane of life into this blog that my readers find interesting. 

Starting with the morning, Sweetie was up early. This is becoming somewhat regular for her. Up around 7, she dresses herself, comes looking for someone, scared that she is all alone and then she finds me. I changed her, took her back to bed, where she slept for another 3 hours. 

The lawn needed to be mowed, so I got out the mower and she wanted to help. It was nice, she held onto the mower at one side, and I did the rest from the other side. It was fun letting her help. It also made sure that she doesn't wander off when I'm not looking. 

After the lawns and a quick nap, it was a trip to the grocery store. Some shopping, home to watch a little TV, dinner, and waited for the end of the day and bed. 

Can you see the Easter Eggs in that day? It was chockful of them. Mowing the lawns had some there and just the whole day was enjoyable. 

Funny isn't it, how such a mundane day can look so good, and that is because my Driver has me looking at the day with different point of view. He tells me to think on a higher level, that there are Easter Eggs everyday. Sometimes I forget to look. Which is something I don't have to do when He is doing the driving. I've learned so much as He takes me down the Road to Dementia Town, just driving along, pointing out special things, as we go Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. Are you finding those special spots as you travel your Road to Dementia Town? Are you Keeping Your Shiny Side Up? I hope so. Love Ya, Take Care, and of course, God Bless.    

Make lemonade out of lemons.

My Heart

We're stringing good days together lately. Yesterday was another pearl on this neckless we're making. Boring it good, and at the same time, its boring.

She was up earlier then normal, 2 hours earlier. I've put together the concept that, like a baby that gets wet and wakes up, the simplest thing to do is change and put back to bed. When she walks into my office at these early hours, that is what I do. She my complain or rattle on about something, but when she sees the bed, in she goes, and off to night, night land. 

When we got home after golf, had our lunch, she got irritated, which isn't normal. Again, after lunch, I took her to the back bedroom, and as she jabbered on about the boys, in she went, and I got another hour of rest. 

This nap after lunch is something new, and I just wonder is her battery starting to run low, and she needs that recharging time? 

In trying to find things to be thankful for, a thought came to me, diarrhea. From what I understand is that diarrhea is a symptom, condition, that Alzheimer patient suffer with. That alone, the absentees of it, is something to be grateful. 

That is one of the reasons I love spending time on the Road to Dementia Town with my Driver. He is the one that can make lemonade out of lemons. It doesn't mean that I won't have that situation later in life, it is away of preparing me for it. He knows when to speed up, or to slow down and look at something I've never seen before, a way of framing something new. Now, I'm ready for another day of riding on the passenger's side, sitting back, enjoying the view, of course, wearing my cool sunglasses, as me and Driver head down to Dementia Town. And you know, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. If your troubled, unhinged, restless, scoot over to the passenger side, and let your Driver take over. He knows the road ahead, and will Keep Your Shiny Side Up. See you on the road, take care, Love Ya, and God Bless.      

Grabbed a handful of hair.

3yrs ago, on our way to Hawaii

Thank you for all of the birthday wishes, my mugging for them worked. For the most of the day, it was a good day. During the day, I would tell Sweetie that it was my birthday, and she would just light up, and smile, wishing me a happy birthday and then it would fade. I have a picture on my phone, for some reason it didn't download to my computer so I can't show it. 

I feel blessed because of some of the things that others are going through with their LOs. I don't have the battle over finances, caregivers, and all the ins and outs of that can cause problems while caring for LO. I have a son and DIL that are welcoming, engaging, and loving. The others, well, we're working on building those relationships. I am the sole caregiver in Sweetie's life and when I feel sorry for myself, it is but a fleeting moment. 

I had a reminder of what it was like while I was drinking. My DIL and I have become best buds, and I asked her, what was the difference, what was the switch in our relationship? Her reply was simple, my drinking. Oh how true that statement was. Sobriety, emotional sobriety, has been the grace that makes things, for me, move easily. 

I did something that, at first scared me, but I became so adamite, I did it anyway. I cut Sweetie's hair. I have been talking to her about doing it, and when we got out of the shower, she sat down in the chair and let me go at it. Grabbed a handful of hair, and wacked it. It came out looking "cute" and she is happy with it. The surprise is how calmly she sat as I cut her hair. She now has some curl in her hair now that it isn't being weighed down by its length. She looks so much better, and younger, too. 

Better and younger, that isn't what I feel, I'd say refreshed. Yea, that is the feeling I get when I'm out riding with my Driver as we go through the hills and dells on the Road to Dementia Town. He knows about fear, and how it can destroy everything. Like my fear of giving Sweetie her haircut. He takes my fear and turns it into rainbows. He can point out the deer at the side of the road, and show me peace. That is the refreshing part of our daily drives. OK, out from behind the keyboard, into that shiny car, and down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Cruising, with our Shiny Side Up. May you see things that refresh you as you travel your Road to Dementia Town, remembering to Keep Your Shiny Side Up. Take care the day, Love Ya, and God Bless.  

Days without sundowners.

Sunrise.

I chose this picture for a reason, but then again, isn't that what I do? Today is my 73rd birthday and with it comes the promises of a new year. I like to say I have the prefect birthday, June 25th. The reason is it is 6 months before and after Christmas with no gift giving holiday around. So, for all of you who share this day with me, remember the perfection of this day and rejoice in it. 

Today is also my DIL's birthday, and Sweetie's mom's birthday. Lucky day for this clan. We are going over to the son's home later today, taking pizzas and DIL is going to make a pie for dessert as we will wish each other "Happy Birthday." 

I know that the specialty of the day will be missed by Sweetie. For all she knows is that we are over someplace that isn't home. I'll try to get her to understand what we are doing today, hope that will work. I know if she does understand, that it will only be for a moment in time, then it will be gone. I just hope she has one of those moments of clarity and understands. 

I'm getting pretty good at the timing of medicine for Sweetie, for we have strung together a couple of days without sundowners showing its ugly face. The closes was at bed time, she fought just a little when I put her overnight pad on her, and when we going to sleep, I touched her leg, shouldn't have done that. No sooner did I touch her, did her attitude change. I was able to deflect her concerns, and went to sleep. I'm always surprised when those upheavals happen. 

For right now the happening is being with my Driver. He has a present all covered with ribbons and bows. I can't open it until we are on our way. Down the Road to Dementia Town. I do know that whatever it is, I'll be grateful to have it. Because I never know what I'll need on this trip. Just know that I'm safe, Driver is behind the wheel, and we have our Shiny Side Up. That goes for you too, just relax, keep in your lane, and Keep Your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya and God Bless.    

Just like a baby.

I miss those days when she would help in the kitchen.

Living the the past with bitter-sweet memories doesn't get me anywhere. When I remember just how we were a team, working together, with her pushing me through a project, or encouraging me to be my best. I can still use those memories as I care for Sweetie on a daily bases. 

As my education continues, I've learned so much, the latest is, if she gets up earlier than normal, all I have to do is take her potty, change her undies, and put her back to bed. She will sleep another 2 hours, which is good for both of us. If she doesn't get her 12 to 14 hours of sleep, I pay for it. She will, at the end of the day, for she will be cranky and moody and most difficult to get her ready for bed. 

Lunch is getting to be fun. I have to tell her to finish her sandwich before she can have the applesauce. I let her have it before she finished the sandwich and she wouldn't return to the sandwich. Just like a baby, that when she got what she wanted, she wouldn't do want I wanted her to do. I'm thinking of not putting the applesauce on her plate, just get it after the sandwich is gone. Don't know yet.  

As we approach the 4th of July, and with all the fireworks that will be going off, and some started last night, I am concern how she is going to handle the noise. Last year was OK, we walked and went to our local park to watch some of the bottle rockets and other big neighborhood fireworks being shot off. This year, I just don't know. 

As the days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, and then years, my life with Sweetie, is in continual flux. You know the daily changes, yet they are always the same, slow decline of personality and memory. She cannot share the same joy with me of those special events. 

Tomorrow is my birthday, I'll be 73, and for once I'm happy to share that day with my DIL. Because I have to do everything for us, there isn't any surprise from her. I get what I want, and say it is from her, but it isn't and that lightness of heart just isn't there. 

As we head into the holiday season of the year, those special family gatherings just won't be as special, and I will miss that. I guess that's why I'm feeling melancholy this morning. But, than again, its me. 

When my heart gets low, I look forward to my morning drive with my Driver. He knows how to take that melancholy heart and turn it into a heart that swells with happiness and joy. I can tell Him all about the disappointments I feel, and He will turn my sadness into joy. Oh how great is that. And that is happening now, for He is here and waiting for me to get going. Up out of my chair, heading for the car, my how Shiny it is today. Slide into the passenger seat, glasses, check, tunes on, check, and down the Road to Dementia Town we go. I feel the melancholy being drawn out of me, singing with songs on the radio, as we drive with our Shiny Side Up. Let your drive be uplifting too as you head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up as you go. Later, Love Ya, and God Bless. 

A day without sundowners is a good day.

Picture is 5 years old, how time flies.

How things change during the pandemic. Trying to get Sweetie a hair cut, is turning into just one huge challenge. She doesn't wear a mask, she doesn't understand why she has to wear one, and she can't breathe when she does. The State has given people with mental disabilities, like Dementia an exemption out to wearing mask. Try to tell that to the hair stylist that is afraid of loosing her job if she allows her in without a mask to cut her hair. And the carousel keeps going around and around. 

I'm thinking of getting her hair cut short. 2 inches all the way around. I'm not sure what that will look like, I just know it will be easier to take care of. Easier to wash and dry and less shedding. 

I think one of the reasons that we cannot get her haircut bothers me so much is simply this. I have to spend time getting her to want to get her haircut. The mental preparation we go through to even get her to the barber shop demands work. Then when it goes up like a vaper, it is so frustrating.

What was our day like, yesterday, you ask. We had a good day, you could say it was a normal day for us, except for the haircut business. Don't get me wrong, normal is good. It is at the end when we are in bed, she is tossing and turning, making her nest, and I'm doing just a little ready, that I can say "Thank you Lord for this day." A day without sundowners is a good day. What ever trials happen during the day, as long as sundowners stays caged up, it is a good day. 

I always wonder just what my Driver is up to, what He has planned for the day. Sometimes He will give me a heads up, like a dental appointment, or something, but most of the time He is usually closed lip about the day. He told me that each day is a new day, and like that a new beginning, and new blessing, and there are Easter Eggs all about, I just have to find them. Find them we will, as we head Down the Road to Dementia Town. Driver, leaning back resting His arm out the window, smiling that big smile of His, as we are Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. Do you open the windows to let the fresh air in? As you drive, Keeping your Shiny Side Up, as you continue your journey to Dementia Town? Take care, Love Ya, and God Bless.     

Dementia: AA, Bachelor, Masters, PHD, Doctorate, and still not enough.

My Sweetie.

Yesterday was the 7th anniversary of sobriety. I have to tell you all this, because it is one of the reasons I am able to care for Sweetie as I do. Before I became a member of AA, I was a wreck, going from on block to another, wrecking everything that was in my path. Before AA, I was blaming everything on everyone but me. Since AA, I've come to understand me, and find me in time to help us go through our trip to Dementia Town. 

I have to say, this is the greatest life lesson that I can learn. Being a caregiver is life university, there is only one graduation, and that is when the professor retires. In the beginning, it is like getting my high school graduation, then on to junior college for my AA in caregiving. As I'm caring for Sweetie, I need more education, so I go back and get my Bachelor's in Caregiving. Thinking that will do it, but no. Soon it is back to school again, for my Master's, then PHD, and now I'm working on my Doctorate. 

Caregiving isn't a simple 6 week course, or a home study, it is a life time of learning crammed into what seems to be a never ending study. With early morning cram session, late night quizzes, with no final exam, no walking down the aisle in your cap and gown, seemly endless testing. 

Then there are the Spring Break times, or the Summer Vacation times when I can think, OK, we've settled in to a zone that will be easy. And just like that, it is time to hit the books because there is another test-a-coming.

This is where my life programing comes into play. If I was the old me, there is no way I could handle this. It is over whelming, there isn't any other way to put it. It can wash me away at any moment. 7 years sober, 7 years of AA's 12 step program, 7 years of caring for Sweetie, and all of that hammering and chiseling, sanding and shaping in the hands of my Driver, has made me soft, pliable, and yet seemly strong and durable. 

Sweetie and I will make it all the way to the end of our trip together. You know why I know this. Because I'm not the one running the show, I'm not driving the car on this Road to Dementia Town. I have a Driver who cares about the both of us. He stops along the way so we can get out and see the mighty vistas, or sit in the shade of a tree, listening to the babbling brook. He isn't just my Driver, He is hers too. I maybe in the shotgun seat, she is in the back as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, smiling as we Keep Our Shiny Side Up. May you find what you need as you travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Have a great day. Love Ya, and God Bless.       

When Dementia lets Sundowners out.

Sweetie and youngest, had a great lunch.

Had a small amount of anticipation yesterday. Even though I had planned out all of yesterday, pre ordered the pizza, located daughter's new apartment on goggle maps, so I knew where I was going, I still had concerns about the day. 

Sweetie woke up later then I was hoping because I wanted her to have some breakfast before we left. We didn't and I wonder how that effected her later in the day. We got a shower, and dressed and off we went. 

When we arrived at daughter's new place, she was waiting for us, on the 2nd floor, and looking over the balcony when we arrived. Pizzas in hand, I got 2 small, one pepperoni, one pepperoni, sausage, black olive and green chili (that's for me.). Met her cat, and had lunch. She put on a movie that she found, and I think it was too much for Sweetie. About half way through the movie, she had to get up and get moving, which was a sign she was upset about something, I'm sure it was the movie. Anyway, as we headed home, she became more and more agitated and I was beginning to worry that we were at the beginnings of a sundowner's event. 

One of the things that I've come to grips with, is movies. Even if they are animated movies, there are still a plot to them, and even if you think, OK, this is just a cartoon, to Dementia, it isn't. There are dark spots in the movie that will lead to a bright ending, and Dementia cannot compute this. Cannot make the distinction of good and bad, from calm to violent, from animation and real life and cannot process the events going on in front of her, so her reaction is wanting to flee. And that is what happened. 

When Dementia allows Sundowner out, it is like lava flowing out of a volcano, slow, steady and burning hot. At that point, all I can do is apply my knowledge on what to do, make sure Sweetie doesn't hurt herself or anyone else. 

I got her home, got some Hemp oil in her, then we took off for the mall and a walk around. That helped some, but it wasn't until we were on the way home, I gave her some more Hemp oil to help her unwind, and slowly Sweetie returned. We finished the day on a high note. 
All in all it was a good visit for the both of them. 

I'm ready, ready for my Driver to beckon  me out to the car, where I can just sit back, put on my cool sunglasses, close my eyes and say thank you. Yesterday was like a rollercoaster, and we ended the day safely. Now for some rest and recharging for today. Driver has some music on the radio, and here we go, sing songs that lift the heart, as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. Love Ya, and God Bless you as you travel down your Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. 

Easter Egg days.

Sweetie and her youngest daughter.

What a day, what a wonderful day yesterday was. There was smiles, twinkling in the eyes, and, yes, a small bit of conversation. What a joy to have such a day. They are so sparsely intertwined in our lives that they become gold star days, Easter Egg days. 

What was that magical formula? What was it that made that day so special? Will I be able to reproduce such a day? All these questions and more. 

What I believe is the way Sweetie wakes up in the morning, how rested she is and her behavior has nothing to do with me. I maybe more like the fly in the room, irritating her, just because. Or I'm like a sweet aroma that makes her pleasant to be around. All I can do is wait, either with anticipation of another wonderful day, or one that it will be a battle. 

As for me the Easter Egg days are my favorite, and anyone can see why. I'm hoping that we have another Easter Egg day today. We are going to have lunch with her youngest daughter, and it will be the first time we have seen her since she moved into her new place.

This is an ongoing project of making sure her daughters see her at least once a month until I can't take her out anymore. As her husband/caregiver, I feel that it is my job to be proactive with her and her children. So far, it is working. I have to remember that communication is a two way street and someone has to start the wheels moving, why not me? Anyway, we bring the pizza, and I love pizza, and because I get to order it, I always get one that is my favorite, a win/win. 

"OK, OK, I know its time." You know who that is, and He must have something special for me today, otherwise He isn't that pushy. My Driver knows what is ahead and He is excited to show me. So, off we go. Where did I leave my cool sunglasses? Oh, He has them so I'm going, Out into the sunlight, getting on my cool sunglasses, buckling in and gone. Down the Road to Dementia Town, as always, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. My you have a exciting Easter Egg Day, as you head down the Road to Your Dementia Town and as you go, remember it always goes better when you Keep Your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya and God Bless.    

Dementia, the great Takerawayer.

My Sweetie Pie, How I miss her.

There is an old song that has a line "You don't know what you got until its gone." Dementia is the great Takerawayer. It keeps taking parts of her away and leaves reminders of what was, and that will never return. By now I know that Sweetie isn't Sweetie anymore. She is just a shell of herself. Not just mentally, physically as well. 

Knowing that she will never get better, only be slipping away bit by bit that makes my job harder. When the pandemic hit, Sweetie was going to daycare 3 days a week, and the freedom for those few hours wasn't appreciated like they will be in the future. 

Living on egg shells doesn't describe my lifestyle. I never know what will change her personality. She can be the sweetest thing, smiling, head knocking, sweet little kisses, and then without notice, I can see, there is a fixed look in her eyes, the joy seems to have been sucked out of her, and it begins. 

Sundowner, that sneaky monster from within, comes to the surface. With a word of the "boys", or "help them", Sundowners sweeps her up and we're off. Like a caged animal, she wants out of her prison. When I stand at the only way out, she cries, screams and heads for the backyard. That is fine, I know she cannot get out into the neighborhood, soon she is back, heading for the door again. 

I used to try and talk to her, calm her down, get some Hemp Oil into her, most of the time I'm successful, and just wait until it works its magic. To up the evil Sundowners back into its bottle. Lately, I've taken her to bed, and she whines as she gets into it, and asleep. Lately, the only things I take off of her are her shoes and glasses. She whines about that too, but I get my way. When she awakes, she is much better. I've learned that a strong firm voice is the key when I want her to do something, she may fight it for a little bit, then gives in. 

"Morning Driver. How long have you been standing there?" Silly question, because I know the answer before I ask the question. He has been waiting quietly as I pour my heart out. He loves to see me write and when I mention Him, He knows I'm on the right path. Well, the right path is what He has for me today, and we better get to it. Hat on, cool sunglasses on, and out the door we go. Into the Shiniest car on the road. Fire up the engine, and move out. Down the Road to Dementia Town we go. Driver, me, and with the Shiny Side Up, I am in good spirits. Come join us, we'll make a caravan, down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Sides Up. God Bless. 

Intimacy.

Her smile, it captivates me every time.

Is it me, or am I being silly? If you didn't know Sweetie and what we have been through the past 5 years, you would think we were just another retired couple walking hand in hand. Around the mall, or the neighborhood. We look normal. And that is the way I want it to be. Normal. 

When we have a series of days without sundowners, without upheavals, I can get rather melancholy. I can say to myself, I've got this, and then something happens that pulls me right back into the middle of her monster town. So far, we haven't taken the monster offramp in these past few days. 

There is something that I saw about wives talking about their husbands who still have some ability to want to be intimate with them, and they find it hard to feel that way about their husbands. As a man, I too still have those strong urges to be with my wife. To hold and be her lover again. Those days are gone, and then only time I get to have some joy in touching my wife is in the shower. When we are cleaning her up, or when we just take our showers. To see her naked body, to touch her, to wash her, these are my moments of intimacy with her. She has long forgotten those attributes of loving touches and when I do touch her, I have to speak softly to her, telling her that it is OK for me to touch her there. If I don't, she cries it hurts and pulls away. For what it is worth, I'll enjoy what I can, for this too will pass. 

It seems that we have found a rhythm to the day. From the overnight pads that keep her and sheets dry, to applications of CBD and her anti-anxiety meds. Still haven't found the timing to potting her, on the other hand, have gotten her to drink more water, and I believe that has made a big difference in her emotional health. 

Times up, and my Driver is here. He tells me that we may stop off somewhere for some leisure time. Got a surprise for me. That's enough to pique my interest. I know not to ask Him what He has up His sleeve. So, out of my chair, heading out the door, He's holding my cool sunglasses, got them, as I slip into the passenger's seat, buckle up Buttercup, and off we go. Down the Road to Dementia Town, watching the sun come up, and just enjoying the day, as we drive with our Shiny Side Up. You enjoying the day? If not, just follow us and maybe we will find something together to enjoy. See, you too can drive down the Road To Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Careful as you go, and remember, I love Ya, and God Bless.     

We can do hard things.

The more she overcome by Dementia,
the more I love her.

I have to tell you about an answer to prayer. It came suddenly and swiftly. If you haven't figured it out, or you already know, that it isn't easy being a caregiver to a spouse, a sibling, a loved one. I may sound brave here, I'm not. I too struggle day to day as to how I'm doing. There isn't a report card at the end of the day, month, or quarter. There isn't a teacher looking over your shoulder, grading you on how you are doing, it is just me. 

Yesterday, I asked my Driver for keen sight to see His hand in my life. That same day, I got a card from an old friend of Sweetie's. Encouraging me, and said that it is hard, but I wouldn't want it any other way. There was a little card inside that read, "We can do hard things." She had lost her husband last year, and we didn't know about it, for we had lost touch with her. We both know the suffering of loosing a loved one, hers and what I'm going through. Boy, did I need that. 

Sweetie was all excited about the card, I think she might have remembered her friend, and was sad about the death of her friends husband, and in about 5 minutes that was gone. 

Our day went well. Sweetie slept in late, and so I adjusted are schedule accordingly. It was at bed time when I had a little surprise. In bed, praying the end of the days prayer when she asked who I was talking to, and that I needed to leave. When I wouldn't she sat up, got ready and when she stood up, she almost collapsed and came right back to bed, and asleep. 

No sooner do I get used to one stage of Dementia, then another appears and the old goes away. I am so thankful that we discovered CBD, and the Stress Relief lotion. They are the, in my mind, reason we can live a somewhat normal life. When Sundowners makes it appearance, I have some tools available to help her come back to some form of normal.   

Each day, the more I depend on my daily trips with my Driver. He is the one that knows where we are heading. I only know where we are going at the time we are going there, wherever there is. I just get in, and off we go. I know if I try to take the wheel, he is such a gentleman, that He will let me. When that happens, I end up making the wrong turns and end up in a ditch. Though, Driver keeps the car clean and polished, I still see the dings from when I was doing all the driving. I'm heading out the door, seeing His smiling face, as I jump into the passenger seat, putting on my cools sunglasses, and off we go. Down the Road to Dementia Town and as always, Keeping the Shiny Side Up. Thanks for joining me this morning, as you too, gather yourself as we motor together, Down the Road to Dementia Town, with our Shiny Sides Up. God Bless, and remember, I Love Ya. 

Am I making a difference?

Memories.

Have you ever wondered if what you're doing is making a difference? Am I doing this for me or for her? Or for both of us? 

I know the progression of this disease will not stop, will take its course, and the time it gets to the final destination is on its time table. 

Where are we now on this Road to Dementia Town? At the beginning? The middle? Or near the end? I'd say somewhere in the middle. Sweetie still does things that surprises me, both for the old and the new. She needs to take a nap now, especially after our walks. They seem to exhaust her and drain her of her energy. Her sundowner's moods are not as powerful as they were just two weeks ago. But, I just wait, because like a volcano, sundowners can awake and erupt at anytime. 

Worried about her water intake. When she got up, and we went to the potty, she was dry. That was very unusual. I am very happy with the overnight pads that we've been using, to the point I took off one of the night sheets she has been sleeping on. If these overnight pads are the solution, then that is one less thing I have to worry about. 

I had a thought the other day, and it kinda makes sense. You see, I'm the father of two girls, and as their father, I did my share of diaper duty. So, I was self trained on how to care of messy diapers. With Sweetie moving into the that part of Dementia where she will be more like a baby, my care skills will be renewed as I care more and more for her. 

Caring, now that is where my Driver comes in. He is the one that shows me what caring is all about. He cares for me, and shows it. So, I have an example of how to care for Sweetie. I need this lessons on caring and at the same time, I need the refreshing that comes with just being in the car with Him. AHHHH, I hear the car pulling up into the drive way. I think I'll surprise Him and meet Him outside. So, Let the wind be at your back, the sun on your face, as you drive the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. See you on the journey we travel together, as you too, Keep Your Shiny Side Up. Drive with care, Love Ya and God Bless.   

Big dog pulling at the leash.

Just us.

As I look back at the fun we had, at the places we visited, the joy that I had just being with her. Now these sights, these pictures don't mean a thing to her. They are foreigners in her mind. Sometimes she can see herself, but has no idea who is with her. I can tell her that I'm her husband and that has no meaning, no place of reference. What it does, it is a reminder of who I am and what I promised to do. 

We've been watching the movie, "Onward" lately. The reason for watching it is two fold, one I like it, and second, Sweetie likes it too. When I find something that she smiles about or gets emotional with, at the right times, I'll watch it over and over again, just to watch her react to it. 

Yesterday, by accident, we found out the mall was open for business. I was just so happy, because now we could return there for our walks. I was surprised, yet at the same time, not, as to how empty the mall was. Not just of people, but of those small businesses that cluttered the mall. The football paraphernalia, and a jewelry stands were gone. Only time will tell as to who will replace these entrepreneurs. It was good to see my state finally opening up. 

It seems that while we are walking at the mall, keeping Sweetie going is going to be my next challenge. Every time she saw an exit out of there, she was ready to go. I kept telling her one more time, or that wasn't the right one to use. When we did head out, she was like a big dog pulling at the leash. It was time to go. Where it didn't matter, just go.  

Got home, she headed for bed, nap time. I'm enjoying the solitude I have when she is down for her nap. It doesn't appear to be disrupting her night time sleep, though she is getting up earlier than normal. Just deal with it. 

"Morning Mr. Driver, and yes, I'm ready to hit the road." That is it for today, time to get back on the Road to Dementia Town. My Driver has the car cleaned, waxed and gassed up. Don't know which road we will take, Driver knows so many more than I will ever think of. Each one is new every morning, and He has promised me that is the way they will be, new every morning. Out of the house, into the car, putting my cool sunglasses on, and we're gone. Hope to see you on the Road to Dementia Town, you'll know us, we've got our Shiny Side Up. Don't let yesterday get you down, for today has the same promise it has for me, it is new every morning, and with that in hand, you too can drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Drive carefully, Take Care, Love Ya, and God Bless. 

    
   

Wonder about the "ifs" in life.

One of the joys of pictures are the memories
they bring back. Love you Sweetie.

As I sit here, and ponder what it would of been like, without Dementia, I find that it doesn't do me any good to wonder about the "ifs" in life. What I do have is the memories of before, and the now. The now may not be as pretty as we thought it would be, but it is what it is. 

Sweetie is going into a sleep stage. Up for a time, and then, she has to make it to bed and to sleep. Yesterday I was concerned about her not sleeping through the night. She took a nap around 4, and woke up around 5:30, and then we went to bed at 8 and she is still asleep. Is she burning her energy that quickly? One of the side affects of her naps is that she is pleasant to be around. Instead of the sundowner monster awaking, she smiles, seems to be happy, and will to do what needs to be done. When she now wants to go somewhere, it is to bed, not outside, a great relief for me.

Yesterday, it was clean out some stuff day. I've been meaning to get rid of all the "stuff" that we has assembled over the years and don't use or wear anymore. Got a couple of trash bags and got rid of old cowboy boots, shoes, towels, and sheets. My goal is to become spartan with what we need. The fewer the better, and that means easier in man talk. There is still too much in the linen closets that we haven't used in years, so it is time to say "Good bye" to what has a covering of dust.   

Being that it is Sunday, and I don't play golf on the weekends, it will be a Sunday morning walk after breakfast, there is a route that will do about 2 miles, and that is the one I'll try to get her to take. Later, some shopping, and stuff to fill the day. 

You would think that this being Sunday, that my Driver would want the day off. You would be wrong, He told me, since I'm taking care of Sweetie 24/7, He will be with me 24/7. He tells me I need Him, and He is so right. I don't know how I'd make it through these past months without our daily car rides. No matter how over bearing these days are, and the days to come, I can count on my Driver to be here with me. Smiling, holding the passenger door open, as I get in, buckle up, and put on my cool sunglasses and He takes the wheel. No matter where we go on the Road to Dementia Town, I will be refreshed, and ready for the whatever the monster Dementia throws at me. Yep, that's right, because we have our Shiny Side Up, and that won't change. Do you find refreshment on your daily ride? If not, follow me and my Driver as we both motor down the Road to Dementia Town, blinding people as we go, because the sun is bouncing off our Shiny Sides. Take Care, Love Ya, and God Bless. 

Dementia came slowly upon us.

Like a fine wine, her beauty gets better with time.

Little did we know what time would bring. We had our time with joy, sorrow, celebration, and pity parties. We shared our dreams and plans about what the future would hold. Watching our children grow, then move away. We saw the blessings of our God putting His hands on us, guiding us through the swamps and boughs of life. Of all the things we dreamed about, this wasn't even on the horizon of our plans. 

There is a commercial for a law firm, that uses the term, "The accident came without warning." With Dementia, the warning were there, we just didn't see them. Dementia came slowly upon us. What we saw as forgetfulness, words, names, events, just seem natural part of growing old. Then it was the fear that seem to be shadowing her, the timidness of Sweetie being left alone, afraid of new surroundings kept driving home that point that this behavior wasn't normal. That quick wit, those comebacks, the correcting of my sentence structure as I would wrongly speak were gone. Then the fear of what was really happening to her set in like a cold misty cloud. "Alzheimer's?" No, not Sweetie, but yes and there it was and nothing could be done except wait and care for what was coming. Buckle up Buttercup, the end is going to be rocky. 

We're moving into a new stage of Dementia. Sweetie is losing endurance. It has come on her suddenly. Our walks are growing shorter and when we get home, she crawls into bed, with Dumbo, and sleeps for about an hour. While this is good for me, to get a short respite, it bothers me at the same time. 

On another note, I was talking with an old friend of mine about Sweetie and her sundowners. We talked about her incontinence, especially at night. She's 89 and told me she has the same problem and uses overnight pads to resolve the problem. 

I've since purchased some overnighters and so far, they work. Sometimes it is a battle to get Sweetie to let me put it in her pullups, but it is a battle worth fighting. 

Hey there is my Driver. Tapping on the door, wondering if I'm ready to head out for another exciting trip on the Road to Dementia Town. There seems to be a little hop to my gate as I stride to the car, wearing my cool sunglasses, Driver is holding the door as I slip into the passenger seat, buckle up and off we go. Life awaits us, as we drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. OK, lets see your Shiny Side Up, as you travel with us. Take Care, Love Ya, and as always, God Bless.      

Being fearful.

Queen of my Heart. 

I'm reminded of just what this woman means to me each and every morning when I sit down to write. 33 years is a lot of water under the bridge, and as I sit and watch the water go by, I see things that weren't noticeable earlier. To look back and see the things that kept us together, through it all. It is her smile, her eyes, her way. These are the things I'm cherishing right now. 

For even as she is still physically with me, she is disappearing. Her listening and understanding skills are slowly being confused and it is getting harder to have her understand and do simple things. Putting away dishes, going potty, eating, swallowing pills, being fearful when her shoes are missing, because she put them with my shoes. I tell her that they are keeping my shoes company and she'll look over and see them and be satisfied for the moment. Soon it begins again, and to ease her mind, I'll get her shoes and put them where she knows normally are. 

Yesterday morning, I took a shower all by myself. This may sound strange, but it sure felt good. I washed, shampooed, and rinsed at my leisure, and it felt good. Not having to compete with having someone else there was a joy. Because I've been showering with Sweetie, and putting her first, I have to race to finish mine. Always aware that at any moment, she will want to leave and let Dementia sweep her away. 

We had a good day yesterday, met a couple on the golf course that made for an enjoyable day. The woman didn't play golf, so she accompanied her husband while he played. We made a good foursome. Maybe we'll play again. 

Worried that Sweetie seems to be running our of steam lately. She had to sit down on the grass at the 9th hole, and later when we went for a walk, I could tell, she wasn't going to make a long walk, makes me wonder if her mobility is losing its mobility. 

Mobility, that is what I have with my Driver. He just knows all kinds of new roads to follow as we head down the Road to Dementia Town. And He is waiting for me as we speak. When times are tough, it seems that His presence evermore felt. In the car, there is peace, and I know there are days I don't bring it in with me, so it is my Driver that brings that peace with Him. Peace that smooths my restlessness. Peace that fills my heart with understanding that it is today, don't barrow trouble from tomorrow, let it be there until it is today. I need to see that, as we take a leisure drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. If you need to, just relax for awhile, as you drive down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Till tomorrow, Love Ya and God Bless.   

Chockfull of Easter Eggs.

It was like this yesterday. Sweetie's daughter
and her hubby.
 

Gotta tell you about our visit with Sweetie's daughter and her husband. It was wonderful, loving and truthful. First and foremost, was the surprise of the day, Daughter has been reading this blog. OMG, what great news. She said she doesn't read it everyday, enough to keep up on what is going on with mom. It was when we were talking about what has been going on that she said something, and I asked how she knew, and that was when she told me that she had been reading my blog. Wonderful!

Yesterday was so chockful of Easter Eggs. Our visit, the conversation, the forgetting my phone and had to make a second visit. Making up for loss time, I guess. Now to work on getting together with the other daughter. Little successes can be a great driving force to see just how much can be accomplished. 

One of the things that is of note, is the length of the day. When Sweetie gets up in the morning, she is usually very pliable, she rarely objects to taking her Hemp Oil or her anti-anxiety meds. It is usually in the close of the day, when her sundowners is trying to escape its cage. The evening timing is very critical for a good evening. 

Last night was a close encounter with sundowners. She was wanting to get out and I kept her in the house. Was able to give her more Hemp Oil and apply Stress Relief lotion to the back of her neck, and she then she went to bed. Again fully dressed. I worry when she does that, that she will wake and head out the door before I can get up. So far these fears have yet to show up, but by what others have told me, it is a good possibility they will. 

Well, it is time, time to get going and head for the door. My Driver is waiting, as always, with a trip down the Road to Dementia Town. He is different, yet at the same time, He is the same. I know if it wasn't for His being with me on this trip, I'd never make it as far as I have. For He is such a good Driver, knowing when a fun ride is needed, and slow and caring ride, or what ever, singing at the top of my lungs, making a joyful noise is the best way to describe my singing and Driver just smiles and sings along with me. I lifts my heart and spirit to make another day. As we head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. You, yes you, is your car sounding like a choir or cats in the alley? It doesn't matter, for your Driver loves it all. Take care, and Keep You Shiny Side Up today as you travel down Your Road to Dementia Town. Love Ya, and God Bless.     

Troubles are enough for today.

This is the closest she ever got to Chip and Dales.

Well, today is the day we are going over to the oldest daughter's for a visit. We haven't been there since Christmas. I'm a little apprehensive about going there. We have never been close over the years her mom and I have been married. I'm not the greatest at mending relationships, and that is part of the problem. Great at building walls, not taking them down. 

I had a friend that would turn to me for advice about his wife. They had a contentious marriage and after listening to his complaining about their relationship, I told him that they needed to stop building walls between them. And start taking them down. That is the hardest thing to do. Taking down walls must be done one brick at a time. If you bulldoze it down, the other person will build it back up just as fast as you tear it down. This will be the first brick. 

It was really windy yesterday, so instead of playing golf, we took along drive. They work, but not as good as walking. Walking is the whole package for Sweetie. She is out, we are together, and she gets to burn off energy that sundowners won't be able to use. 

In the afternoon, the wind died down, so we took a walk. She wasn't happy about the wind, but I encouraged her until we got one in. She started to slow down and that was a sign she was almost to end of her energies. This is where water becomes a battle. I can tell she is de-hydrated and needs water, but she is repelled by it. We were able to finish our walk, and she went right to bed as soon as we got home. 

Here is where she gets confused. She is tired, hungry and thirsty, and I have to put all the pieces together. Had dinner and then up to bed. After I got her in bed, she kept wanting me to leave. Time for Hemp Oil. This is now my go to when she is tired and confused. Soon, she was asleep, and I could relax and sleep myself. 

It's morning and I'm here, with my Driver, talking about the day ahead. He brought a bag with a label that says "Trouble, enough for today." He says put all my troubles in it, and throw it into the trunk. It will be there anytime I want to pull it out and go through them. Other wise, lets get going. Here's my cool sunglasses, and He says I'll need them because the of the brightness of the day. Into the car, sliding in on the passengers side, and off we go. Down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. If you throw your troubles in the trunk, you to can take them out, if you think you need to, as you travel the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Well, that's all for now. See Ya Later, Love Ya, and God Bless.   

Living with the monsters: Dementia and sundowners.

She had me from the first look.

Moved on my thoughts. I've been in a praising mood about our son and his family. On what has been going on with them. The hard work, the success of his career, and the times we can just come over and talk. A great respite for me and letting them see his mom. I've also been muttering complaints about the 2 girls. Thinking that communication is a two way street, I took it upon myself to knock on the doors and see what will happen. 

Texted the oldest daughter yesterday about coming over and seeing her. I was shooting for a Saturday, because Monday thru Friday we have pretty much set a schedule. She would like us to come over on a Wednesday, her husband works on Saturday, I guess she wants him there too. Anyway, there is movement there and I'm happy. 

Maybe I'm doing it for myself too. I don't want any one of her kids to feel that I withheld her from them. I know the oldest daughter has a hard time with her mom's decline and doesn't know just what to do. You see it is easy for me to pull back because I didn't have a close relationship with my mother, and it seem the further apart, the better it was for us. I've learned that it isn't necessarily so. There are regrets that I have, so I have learned that if I don't at least make some effort, there may not be any done and resentments can form a scar on the heart that will never go away. 

Living with the monsters Dementia and sundowners has changed so many aspects of our lives. Not just the most obvious ones, but the more subtle ones. The family as a whole. The communications that are no longer there, the comradery of the Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, they are all different. This is part of the loneliness that I feel. 

The loneliness of doing all the heavy lifting, of all the caring for her. Yet, at the same time, it seems so easy and natural for me to do those things that have to be done. To speak softly and help her. To let her know, it is alright, that I'll be there to care for her. 

On her mirror, I wrote years ago a message to her and I see her attempt to read it almost everyday now. It simply this: 

 I will take care of you;

I will protect you;

and I will love you;

No matter what. 

With this promise, I have set my life's purpose before me, that no matter what, I have a mission statement that will guide us to the end of our trip. 

We had a good day yesterday. Was able to get her medication timing down and there wasn't much of a disturbance the whole day. She did wet through her pullups at the golf course, but I now carry extra pullups in the golf bag for just this. Amazing how when you plan for emergencies, they are not as bad as you think then they happen. 

Getting long in the tooth here, and my Driver is starting to get a little impatience with me. And at the same time, He knows I have things to say and we won't leave until I get done. I'm ready now and the smile is beaming on His face. So off we go. On to another adventure as we travel the Road to Dementia Town. Together, me and Driver, singing praises and hymns, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. I hope your adventure is a fun one for you to. As you drive down the Road To Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up. Love Ya and God Bless.    

No matter how strongly I hold her.

Love Birds

From the time we married, there were days that seem like a struggle, and then there were times that flowed like a river, smooth as glass barley noticing any movement on the surface, but knowing that there was a flow that if you let it, it would take you far, far away from where you are. 

That is like it is with Sweetie and me. I'm on the bank of the river watching her walk into the water, and the power of the current pulling her away from me. No matter how strongly I hold her, wrap my arms around her, I can't save her. What is worse, is I can't go with her either. I can only be there, watching, and wondering when she will just give into Dementia and let go. 

Yesterday, was all in all a good day, we kept pretty busy. Walk in the morning, and mowing the lawns, then a drive. When we returned home, I didn't want to just sit for we had been in the car for about 2 hours. Went for a walk. Good and bad idea. We were on our way back home, when sundowners and heat hit her. And of course she wouldn't drink any water when I saw that she was failing. So, we sat in a shady spot as I tried to get her to drink water. We were blessed when a lady and her son saw us and that we were in distress and offered us a ride. As I was explaining what was happening, she said her mom was just starting down the same path. Told her about the blog, I hope she visits it. 

Sweetie went straight to bed when we got home. When she got up, she was her old self again. 

Gotta mention dinner. Last night, we had pasta and tomato and meat sauce and she barley ate any because it was too hot. Once bad, no matter what, it will be bad. So, I tried it again and instead of having everything steamy hot, it was just above room temperature, still warm enough to enjoy, and enjoy she did. To the point of having addition portion when she finished the first portion. Seconds, for her in a long, long time. 

Driver is here, and He is ready to get the ride going. Time to hit the Road to Dementia Town. Time for me to get so more rest and understanding for I never know what each day will bring. My Driver knows, but He is so closed mouth about the future, He just tells me to trust, because He is in the driver's seat. And I do, so off we go, me, in the passenger's seat, wearing my cool sunglasses, and my Driver watching the road, slowing down for the dear to cross, and missing the pot holes as we travel down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Our Shiny Side Up. Just let you know, there are dear out there, so keep an eye out for them, as you too, head down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping your Shiny Side Up. Take Care, Love Ya, and God Bless.     

So, all was good.

Its the smile, it has always been
the smile. 

Its 4:45 in the morning, I've done my morning meditational reading and prayer time, and now it is the time for me to open up my heart had tell you about yesterday. This blog, this journal, this diary, is something of a way for me to empty out yesterday and make room for what is waiting for me today. Like eating, if there isn't a way to make room for more food, if I eat and just continually eat, I get stuffed and uncomfortable, and eventually, ruin my health by getting fat. That is something that I shouldn't do, for I have a purpose in my life and that is another life. 

Sweetie doesn't know just how much she depends on me, and how much she puts a purpose in my life. I was thinking that life is like a job, or the military, or even a sports team. Anyone can join, if your healthy enough and can qualify for that activity, but to really get the benefits out of what you joined up to do, you have to work hard to become a sergeant, chief, officer, starter, or a manager, to get promoted. As for me, what is my promotion? My job will be finished when I don't have to care of Sweetie anymore, when I'll be footloose and fancy-free. From what I know, that may not be as enjoyable as it seems. As for now, I must be satisfied doing what I'm doing. Taking it one day at a time. 

We had a real good day and it was enjoyable. Up, breakfast, shower, and shopping. Had to buy a new coffee pot, the old one's switch wasn't working and would soon fail. So, we replaced it. 

Something of a revelations about eating. She usually eats almost anything I put in front of her, so she is eating well. Last night we had pasta with spaghettis sauce. I should of waited to let it cool down before I gave it to her, and she tried, and gave up on it. No matter how many times I tried to get her to eat, she just refused and we know what that can lead to if I push too hard. So, I got her a applesauce cup, she likes that. I also know that she had a good breakfast and lunch and wasn't starving so why worry if she doesn't eat. So, all was good.

Good? Yet, my Driver is here, He is always Good. The stay at my Oasis was well worth the side trip, I wonder what He has up His sleeve today. I do know, whatever it is, I'll get something I need out of it. So, off we go, me in the passenger's seat, Driver behind the wheel, and we motor down the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping our Shiny Side Up. I hope you get what you need as you drive the Road to Dementia Town, Keeping Your Shiny Side Up too. Take care, Love Ya, and God Bless.